im ok, thanks, u?

whenever you're going through utterly insane change,  there's a tendency that everything else will blow up in your face

what a marvelous thing, life indeed

i lost track of time
i mean, thats what happens when you get punched in the face so many freaking times
you get dizzy
you lose blood
you feel sore and diminished
it hurts your pride
it hurts your gut
it hurts your fucking face, man
smiling has become one of the most difficult chores for me
everyone else is just like a ghost floating by
people definitely dont know what to do with me
im a burden to them

''oh its the bipolar friend again, feeling shitty, hmm ok, mundane shit''
''hey luiza how are you, wanna hang?''  ''well, no thanks i dont feel good today.'' ''Nahhh ??? hmmm okaay (?) , well...... right, ok if you wanna talk let me know.{ i can sense their tone, i can read what they didnt write and i fucking know what they were thinking...... WTF DUDE WHAT DO I SAY TO THIS PERSON?} ''
and then, my friends.... i just talk. and they're like '' yeah uhh thats sounds so hard ikr well just try to breathe and relax right, its not the end of the world''

 OH REALLY YOU DUMB FUCK? I know. But its the end of my world. The end of literally everything I wanted and cared for and that makes me feel good about existing. Dealing with this hurts like a motherfucker. and life didnt come with no instructions, i ain't got any clues of what to do. Letting these emotions sink in... also hurtful. not knowing what your future is gonna be like... also hurtful. losing people you love, also hurtful....

days like this got me feeling as small as a mitochondrial ribosome.... you even know what that shit is? exactly. its like life screams at you how insignificant and useless you are.... and you got no choice other than believing it.
days like this got me forgetting how to be human.... and you're just there, waiting for someone to remind you of it.