things I promised myself I'd write down when I felt them

it takes over me

it starts with goosebumps, tingling my whole body

i lose focus

i can't breathe properly

then, rapidly it grows into a crippling wave of fear

my gut churns

it burns, but strangely, it also freezes me

i shiver

i'm 100% sure imma die right then

this feeling... i can't explain how, but...

it melts my thoughts like hot acid

they cannot be rearranged

they cannot be recycled

they cannot be reorganized

i feel like every single wire of logic in my brain simply gets detached

there's nothing holding my soul anymore

nothing makes sense anymore

life

death

past

or future

it's all a blur.

i feel like i have to cut my body open

to try and get rid of the hurricane inside of me

to see if I can diffuse the bomb

i usually can't

i scream

sometimes it ends there - some other times, it doesn't