october

Attention, attention: this is not a love letter.
Not because you don't deserve one, but simply because explaining to you how I feel wouldn't change a damn thing.
So I'm not writing you one.
I'm letting you go.
No more tears.
No more feeling bad.
No more blaming myself for believing in things I knew deep down wouldn't happen.
The frustration and the disappointment that I've been carrying for years now.
The feeling of being powerless right now.
The feeling of never getting what I want.
I want this pain to end.
I really do.
There are a couple of things I still wanted to say but lemme save us both some time here and just say that fate is a mysterious thing.
I'm not quite sure how it works, but I get it that it's trying to tell me something. 
And I am ready to listen to it.
I finally am. 
Life works how it's supposed to.. who am I to change that? 
You have no idea how much I wanted my feelings to be enough.
They're not.
I have to accept that.
It's gonna be okay.
It will take me some more months.
I'm so afraid of the future now.
But let me see what happens.
If this is the actual end, I'll understand.
Whatever happens next, I'm ready.
I have to be.