I still don't know what it is.
Everything is just a huge blur, nothing holds my interest.
It feels like I'm surrounded by people
Yet, I'm not.
It's just us: me and my feelings.
It's harder during the summer. I guess that's why I refuse to go to the beach this year.
It's annoying when you are stuck inside yourself
And you see others outside, living life breezy and careless
Everybody being flagrantly and aggressively happy.
And then, there's you. A miserable, fucked-up girl.
Face it, Luiza: there is absolutely no point in trying to push this feeling away.
The day is gonna suck - waves of anxiety building up, my gut churns, I shiver, I wanna scream, I can't. I smile and sit and I wait. The pressure within sometimes is bigger than the exterior one. Sometimes I close my eyes and a whole year has gone by. Time feels slower somehow, in this melancholic couch. I take a deep breath and it's still the middle of the night. I can't cope...and then I can.
At some point, it gets easier. Pain must be felt. It needs to. Then, you move on. Pain is a temporary stage, I tell myself carrying around unsolved situations from 10 years ago. Still, the status quo has been broken. Things will start to change. I guess I should be proud of myself. I've made it this far, and dammit, I will carry on.
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